Are You Dwelling on the Negative?
How we define our thoughts and actions leads to how we see the world.
It’s super cliche. I know. Thoughts become things. It took me decades to fully comprehend it and I still feel like a novice when I think about it. The reality we live in is based ENTIRELY on how we perceive stuff. In other words, your perception IS your reality. Which is a really brain twist but, that’s life. Of course my brain immediately starts with whataboutism “what about people in war, in concentration camps, etc?” Ok, ok! I get it. There are things that happen to us that are out of our control and can shape our collective reality. But also, how we address this reality and respond to it literally can make or break our lives. Look at Victor Frankl. He survived several Nazi concentration camps, not just Auschwitz and not only outlived them, but used the experiences to create an entirely new type of psychological therapy called Logotherapy. Our perception becomes our reality.
This hit me hard today on my morning walk. I say it like it’s a habit for me when the truth is it’s the first morning walk I’ve been on in nearly six months. The weather also impacts my reality.
But as I was walking I began talking to myself. SPOILER: all the greats have always talked to themselves. And answered themselves! It’s how we think and process data. So, anyway, on my walk I started interviewing myself about how I’ve processed the last 30 days, which have been emotionally exhausting and traumatic. I recounted all the terrible things that happened this month, not just the miscarriage, but also my cat dying of cancer this past Monday and several deeply troubling financial issues that finally came to a head. Then I realized something.
The conversation went something like this:
Me: So, considering all the terrible shit that’s happened this month, how are you feeling about it?
Also Me: I’ve tried really hard not to think about it. Not that I don’t acknowledge it, because I do. But I don’t want to think too much about them.
Me: Why?
Also Me: Because if I think about them too much, then my thoughts focus on them, then my thoughts dwell on them, then I dwell there, then I live there, then that place becomes my home and I don’t want to live in a place of pain like that.
Me: So are you saying that where you Dwell matters?
Also Me: Yes of course, duh.
Me: Interesting how the Divine Inner Presence is a name for Gd in Judaism and the full translation is “Inner Dwelling Presence.” Shekhina.
Also Me: Yeah I know. It’s almost like the place where our thoughts / emotions dwell becomes the home for us. And I don’t wanna have a shitty sad upsetting painful place to call home.
Me: So what did you do about it, then?
Also Me: Well, I decided to focus on and do stuff that made me happy, even when I was feeling shitty.
Me: Like what?
Also Me: Like publishing my journals, like my blog, like my new podcast, like creating Red Tent with the 12th House, like forming amazing relationships with amazing women who cared for me during my struggles.
Me: Well yeah. That’s a lot.
Also Me: I know. But I needed to dwell somewhere good.
Me: Sounds like you did.
The point is this: Where we Dwell becomes where we Live. Our thoughts form reality and wherever they rest, be it good, bad, or neutral, that’s the world we start to form around ourselves.
It’s incredibly hard to reprogram this. Give yourself some grace. Meaning, be nice to yourself while you’re learning. Imagine you’re one of those Student Driver cars with the big yellow words written all around the back. Be nice.
