Are YOU the Red Flag in Dating? Here’s How to Fix It
Welcome back! It’s Na’amah, your favorite dating, relationship, and communication coach. Today, I want to ask a bold question: Are you a red flag guy (or gal)?
This idea came from Aleeza BenShalom, a Torah-observant matchmaker you may have seen on Netflix’s Jewish Matchmaking. In a recent video, she highlighted the importance of recognizing red flags in dating. But that got me thinking—what if you are the red flag?
Many people who exhibit red-flag behaviors don’t even realize it—they think they’re fine. But if you truly want a healthy, lasting relationship, you need to be willing to change. So today, let’s talk about what to do if YOU are the red flag—and how to shift from red to green.
đź”´ What Are Red Flag Behaviors?
Red flags in dating and relationships often include:
đźš© Mocking or condescending humor (“It’s just a joke, don’t be so sensitive!”)
đźš© Controlling behaviors (demanding to know where someone is at all times, policing their words or actions)
đźš© Lack of trust (checking phones, refusing to believe what your partner says)
đźš© Rigid beliefs on gender roles (insisting the relationship must work a specific way, without compromise)
đźš© Poor communication skills (ignoring texts for days, refusing to engage in deep conversations)
🚩 Hiding your partner from family and friends (if they’re important to you, why keep them a secret?)
If you recognize yourself in even a quarter of these behaviors, it’s time to take action.
🟢 How to Change: The A, B, C, D Method
If you’re ready to improve, here’s your roadmap:
🔹 Acknowledge – You can’t fix what you don’t admit. Recognizing your behaviors doesn’t make you weak—it makes you self-aware and ready to grow.
🔹 Be Curious – Instead of judging yourself, study your behavior. When do these red flags show up? What triggers them? If you want to go deeper, I recommend the book Attached for understanding relationship patterns.
🔹 Decide to Change – Transformation isn’t automatic. You have to choose to grow, even when it’s uncomfortable. Do you want to be “right” or do you want a healthy, lasting relationship?
đź’ˇ Final Thoughts: You Have the Power to Change
Red-flag behaviors don’t serve you—they hold you back from real connection. You’re not doomed to repeat toxic patterns. You can improve, step into healthier relationships, and create a future you actually want.
If you need support, I’m here for you. DM me, email me, or book a coaching session—I’d love to help.
Remember: 1% better is still better. Baby steps count. Let’s get you better.
